sovereign … even over cancer

God’s sovereignty can at times be a difficult thing to believe in and embrace … nevertheless it is ALWAYS a true characteristic of Almighty God!

For almost five months now, I have been dealing with back and trunk pains … pains that did not consistently stay in one place but believe it or not migrated around.  Today’s pain might be gone … but a new one came along to replace it.  And the pain has been accompanied by sleepless nights, fatigue along with mental and emotional anguish.

There have been several misdiagnoses accompanied by equally erroneous treatments … now please don’t interpret that as being critical of the medical profession and my doctors.  I love my doctors and they are doing their best … there job is not always an easy one … our bodies respond differently to ailments and medications … and so many ailments can share an identical list of symptoms.  Their job is a tough one and I am actually VERY pleased with my doctors.

Yesterday I was driving home after another appointment listening to Chris Tomlin’s CD Burning Lights and the song ‘Sovereign’ came on and I was absolutely overwhelmed by emotion as I listened to it … repeatedly … yesterday as well as today.  Consider the words of the song … I have bolded those that struck a nerve with me …

VERSE 1
Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm
Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me in the dawn

CHORUS
In Your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end I can trust You
In Your never failing love
You work everything for good God,
whatever comes my way
I will trust you

BRIDGE
All my hopes
All I need
Held in Your hands
All my life
All of me
Held in Your hands
All my fears
All my dreams
Held in Your hands

The words of this song were something I needed drilled in to my psyche, soul, heart and spirit over the last few days … and I am so thankful for the reminder that God is sovereign over all … even over cancer.

After both an MRI and a CT scan over the last week, my oncologist has discovered I have a cancer growth on my spine.  It’s the culprit that has been causing all my pain issues.  Starting Monday April 13, I will begin undergoing three weeks of daily radiation treatments with a goal of reducing and hopefully obliterating this growth and the problems it has been causing.

Also, after almost two years of little or no cancer growth without chemotherapy, other cancer spots my oncologist has been tracking have measurable growth.  So once radiation is complete, we will resume biweekly chemotherapy infusion treatments.  The good news is we will be using a different drug and I will have the complete infusion in the office.  In my previous chemo, I wore a bag with an infusion pump for 48 hours.

So …

God is sovereign … even over cancer.

Oh Lord, replace my fear and doubt with hope and belief …

Increase my faith Lord …

Increase our faith Lord as my wife and I together continue to follow you!

Bernie

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About bwebbjr

A grandfather, father, husband, man, and a child of God who is following Christ Jesus and working out his salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work IN me, both to will and to work for His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13). I dodged my first bullet with cancer when a cancerous polyp was removed in a sigmoid colectomy surgery in August 2007. Four years later, in the midst of a second colectomy surgery we discovered I had Stage IV metastatic colon cancer. Rather than colectomy surgery I had colostomy surgery, which now means the colostomy bag is a part of my everyday life ... with the emphasis on life. God has given us a peace beyond understanding as my wife and I have traveled this journey. By the grace of God I am blessed to be a 6 plus year cancer survivor aka warrior. In writing, I am often wrestling with my own personal struggles and beliefs and in the midst God leads me to a lesson He wants me to learn ... or sometimes He simply touches me in the revelation of Himself. My hope is that the result you see here might touch your heart and glorify God. And let me be clear ... I am not the only one with something to say. Please join in the conversation sharing your faith, your cancer experiences, etc. I would love to hear from you. Bernie
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8 Responses to sovereign … even over cancer

  1. In my prayers friend. May your light so shine before men that they glorify our Father in Heaven.

    • bwebbjr says:

      Thank you Richard … it is indeed my hope that in the midst of this trial, that God’s light might shine a bit brighter through me and that He and He alone might be glorified!!!

  2. Pam says:

    Bernie, I have been reading your blogs since I found it while helping my husband during his journey with colon cancer. The Lord delivered him from that disease and took him home 2 1/2 years ago. We witnessed many miracles along the way together and I saw The Lord transform my husband to where he reflected His light amazingly to all those who met or heard about him. I see Jesus in you too, and although none of us would probably volunteer for this journey with cancer, we can let God be in the driver’s seat , right where He’s supposed to be. May God continue to bless you, and annoint your life as you embark on this next chapter. Keep praising Him…. All the glory to God!

    Pam

    • bwebbjr says:

      So much to say in response to your comment Pam … my hope, my prayer for you is that the Lord is comforting you in the midst of your loss. When everyone thought I was at death’s door almost 4 years ago I had such a peace about going home if the Lord so decided. But in the process, I was unwittingly hurting my wife as I was insensitive to the loss she would be forced to deal with. In the 4 years since, we’ve matured in Christ as a result of that … my point I guess is in your words I sense your loss while perhaps sensing your thankfulness for your husband and what the Lord did in and thru him in his lifetime as well as taking him home. Forgive me if I speak out of line … from your testimony, it sounds like the Lord really made His presence known and shined brightly through your husband. To God be the glory!!!

      Thank you for reading the blog and for leaving such a powerful comment. I do so appreciate it. While I would never have chosen the cancer journey … at the same time there is nothing I would trade for the journey. And most Christian Cancer warriors I know usually say the same thing. It is in the depths of the ‘C’ journey that I have experienced the greatest intimacy with Christ Jesus … I imagine your husband experienced the same thing. That doesn’t mean its a journey without fear, worry, doubt and pain … it’s just more often than not they are overshadowed by divine faith and hope. Thanks for your kind words re blessings and anointing!

      To God be the glory indeed!

      May God bless you and keep you sister!\

      Bernie

      • Pam says:

        Bernie, thank you so much for your beautiful reply. Your words couldn’t be more true concerning our experiences together as a family walking through cancer with my husband or the presence of The Lord in our lives as He continues to draw us near and heal and protect our hearts. He is ever present with us and I am so thankful. Thank you for showing all people the hope we have in Christ no matter how difficult the circumstance we are facing. His promises can be trusted, from delivering someone from pain and disease to providing for and healing a family who chooses to continue to trust His plan for their lives each day. I will have you in my prayers, Bernie, as you lean into God for strength and courage in this next round. I have always loved the genuine transparency in your blogs and I look forward to seeing how God will be glorified as you take this next step. Peace be with you my brother, blessings to you!
        Pam

      • bwebbjr says:

        Thank you dear sister!!!

  3. jimdavenport says:

    Bernie, when I read your post today I was reminded of the ending verses of Romans 11.
    “33 Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! 34 “For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?” 35 “Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?” 36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.”

    “Who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been HIS counselor?” … indeed!! Our sovereign God has NO equal. He desires for our ways to be HIS ways. We can never repay HIS gift! ALL things are “from HIM,” “through HIM,” and “to HIM” !!! May HIS purpose be accomplished through you and Sheryl as you continue your journey. Love to you both, my brother.

    Jim

    • bwebbjr says:

      As we both know Jim, sometime the greatest challenge for the believer is getting to the point where we can say ‘Yes, Lord!’ to God’s plan, purpose and will … especially in the midst of tough situations. The prayers of friends like you and Charlotte are used by the Lord to draw us into that ‘Yes’ … thank you brother!!! Bernie

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