Tomorrow I am scheduled for chemo treatment #6 … this marks 12 weeks of receiving bi-weekly chemotherapy treatments. Typically I am dealing with the side effects of the chemo for 7 to 9 days, sometimes 10 … then I have 4 or 5 days where I am regaining my strength and the side effects have ceased. Those 4 or 5 days give me some time to regain some physical strength … also some time to go through the much needed attitude adjustment in preparation for the next round of chemo.
That just hasn’t happened this time. Even as late as both Saturday and Monday, I hit a couple of hours of extreme fatigue (the #1 side effect of chemo) each day and it seems like that nagging sense of nausea has plagued me off and on throughout the last two weeks. My walks have been few and far between as my energy levels have frequently been just too low to hit the track.
This current situation is opening my eyes to a reality about my faith … when I think I am walking in faith … my walk of faith is oftentimes one part personal strength … one part personal attitude … and one part faith in God … basically I’m depending on Him for what I can’t do … ummmmmm … considering.
Well, it looks like this time my walk of faith is only going to have one part … depending on Jesus for everything … probably a much more biblical realization of a walk of faith.
And considering that drew me to the popular poem ‘Footprints in the Sand’ (there is a great deal of dispute over who the original author was) … a perfect reflection of what am expecting to experience in the coming days, weeks, months, etc.
Footprints in The Sand
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Scenes from his life flashed across the sky
and he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
one belonging to him and the other belonging to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life had flashed before him,
He recalled at the lowest and saddest times of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
Dismayed, he asked, “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
I don’t understand why, when I needed you most,
you would leave me.”
The Lord replied, “My precious child.
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your time of trial and suffering,
when you only saw one set of footprints …
THAT WAS WHEN I CARRIED YOU.
I need you to carry me Lord … I need you to carry me.